Stop Bragging About How Nice You Are

Imagine that you’re a big-shot executive, interviewing people for a job opening. You have a candidate in front of you, and you ask him to describe his technical expertise. This is his response:

I’m quite skilled with email. I have my own personal Yahoo address, and I send messages from it several times a day. I even email multiple people all at once sometimes. I’m also well-versed in browsing the internet. If there’s something I want to know more about it, I go to and search for more information.

Are you going to hire this guy?

Of course not. The skills he touts are not the least bit brag-worthy, and his mentioning them only makes you wonder how inept he must actually be.

It’s obvious how ludicrous the above comment would be. And yet, I see something just as ludicrous all the time. And it happens whenever a guy complains that women only like jerks, and then points out that women should date him instead, because he’s a nice guy.

So why is this ludicrous? Because (and I’m quoting myself here):

Niceness is the minimum requirement for human decency. It’s the C– grade on the report card of life. Bragging that you’re nice is like bragging that you cover your mouth when you sneeze, or that you hold in your farts when you’re in public and indoors. None of these are achievements that deserve accolades in any way. In fact, a guy who brags about being nice only makes people wonder if he has so little to be proud of that being nice is all he has to brag about.

If you’re a guy who brags about being nice, you’re basically wanting women to like you because you pass as a minimally acceptable human being. That’s pathetic, dude.

See, it’s not that women like jerks. It’s that women like interesting men, and some of these interesting men unfortunately end up being jerks. These guys possess other qualities that make them attractive.

If you’re a nice guy who can’t seem to get women to notice you, I guarantee that women don’t find you boring because you’re a nice guy. Women find you boring because they realize all you have going for you is your niceness.

So make yourself an interesting person. Pick up a new pastime or hobby. Learn to play a sport or a musical instrument. Become knowledgeable on some exciting topic. Learn how to impress people with your conversational ability.

Just do something with yourself, so that niceness isn’t the only thing you have to brag about. You would never hire a job candidate whose only skill is knowing how to send email.

Similarly, why would women want to date you if your only quality is that you’re nice?

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